What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
