No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
