Non-Jews are for practice
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
