I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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