He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
