I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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