I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
