I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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