The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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