I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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