Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
