do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
