He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
