This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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