toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I bet he comes in French.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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