I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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