Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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