i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I cockslap morals
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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