Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
