what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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