I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
