my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
