So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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