Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
