Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
