he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
