She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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