I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
