he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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