I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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