she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
