oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
