This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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