can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
