After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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