i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
