I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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