We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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