my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
