Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
