I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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