Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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