Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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