You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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