I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
