you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
