so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
