In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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