I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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