I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
