Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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