Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
