when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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